“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
“Ask yourself: does this appearance (of events) concern the things that are within my own control or those that are not? If it concerns anything outside your control, train yourself not to worry about it…… Freedom and happiness are won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.”
The first quote is the Serenity Prayer (SP) and is attributed to twentieth century American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. The second quote expresses the Stoic concept of Dichotomy of Control (DOC) and is attributed to Epictetus, a philosopher of ancient Greece. SP and DOC share the principle that it is critical to our well-being to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot. Both express that there is no utility in stewing over circumstances over which we have no control. DOC stops there, letting us know what to do (or not to do) when we don’t have control, but it is silent for what to do when we do exercise control. SP, on the other hand, calls for action; when we exercise control, we should seek “courage to change” things.
To aid myself in applying the wisdom of SP and DOC, and yet “make it my own,” I have created the Spectrum of Control and Focus (SCF) as shown in this graphic:
Spectrum of Control and Focus
Less Control <<<—————————————————————>>> More Control
Allow Less Focus <<<————————–>>> Allow More Focus
If I have more control over something, I allow myself to focus more on it. If I have less control over something, I allow myself to focus less on it. Unlike DOC, SCF addresses the myriad circumstances that lie between complete control and complete lack of control, probably most of the circumstances that we face. Also, under SCF, I can adjust the level of my focus as I see fit; SCF does not pressure me to take action as SP might nor does it lead me to callously disregard circumstances as DOC might. Finally, by emphasizing focus, SCF does not discount justified concern or worry over circumstances as SP and DOC do. Concern and worry are okay, under SCF. The emphasis, though, under SCF should be on determining what degree of focus is warranted for the event. SCF recognizes the limitations of individual human capacity to function; individually, we can only effectively focus on a finite number of concerns.
How about you? Try this Experiment.
Step One. Consciously identify circumstances and your level of control over them.
Step Two. Focus on circumstances over which you have little control.
Step Three. What are the results of Step Two?
Step Four. Focus on circumstances over which you exercise greater control.
Step Five. What are the results of Step Four?
…
With Love,
P. Gustav Mueller, author of The Present