I recently read an account of a woman regarding the death of her stepson who was a young adult. Her name is Serena, her stepson was named Mason, and his father is named Matt.
“In the days and weeks after Mason passed away, Matt would regularly wear Mason’s clothes, his smelly lacrosse jersey, his favorite sweater, and when she would hug Matt, she would smell Mason.
She couldn’t understand why she had spent so many years being upset that Mason wore his sweaty jersey on the couch or at the dinner table and why she had made that a focus instead of loving him. She would have given anything to be able to go back and see him wearing his jersey on the couch, his dirty dishes in the sink, or his shoes on the stairs. She’d wasted too much time focusing on mundane, meaningless things rather than loving him and make sure he felt her love. The guilt she felt in the weeks and months after Mason passed away was enough to make her hate herself for allowing human errors to get in the way or our soul’s purpose, which is simply to love and be loved in return.”
I considered my behavior regarding my teenage son. How many times had I yelled at him or threatened to send him to military camp because of trivialities such as his room being messy or him leaving his sports gear strewn about the house? This reflective passage from The Knowing, by sisters Saje Dyer and Serena Dyer Pisoni, helped me to understand my approach was flawed. Now, I am more patient with my son. I don’t let a slow burn develop into an explosion. Rather, I give him some time to address issues on his own and respectfully guide him as needed. No yelling or threats have been required. And from time to time, when I am alone in the house, I’ll go into his room, look around, inhale deeply, and give thanks for what a wonderful son he is.
With Love,
P. Gustav Mueller, author of The Present
The Knowing: 11 Lessons to Understand the Quiet Urges of Your Soul, by Saje Dyer and Serena Dyer Pisoni